2 01 2014

I’m experimenting with not posting anything political on my Facebook page.  No links, no statement that supports my political view, but I’m doing all that I can to post about my faith, and the way that I’ve come to understand that my original view of “God” was nothing from what I expected.  And WHO I am is totally different from what I thought I was.

Or can even describe.

Having boldly going outside of the Methodist/Secularist tradition that I grew up in and went to explore what it means to be wounded,  to die to my ego and come out the other side of this death of myself to find a whole new life, I find that what I wanted to be God was NOT what THE Lord really is.

I’m finding more and more that I get discussed with the hatred that is flung back and forth between the  flawed vision of secular and the sacred.  There is this whole,” I’m right, your wrong” BS that we, as a people, are forgetting what it was like when we were small children who trusted parental authority,  trusted that people were not just knowledgeable, but also had wisdom. 

There is this “theory” that the USA is anti intellectual, in other words, against facts.  Well, you can have all the facts, but if you can not find Agape with others, than you are at a loss. We can not come to an understanding of each other.  You don’t understand deeper meanings that can not be found in facts.  Sometimes it’s better to ignore the fact and find the truth of the matter. 

At the same time so many facts that were once thought to be truth have been found out to be false.  That is what I’ve come to.  That there has been much falsehood about ourselves, about God, Jesus, religion, atheism, practically everything ever invented by Man alone,   that we need to stop, rethink, and renew our inner way.   I would love to see an ultimate truthhood appear.   

Ask of yourself, what is the truth?  

There is so much to explore and so much damage done that it takes time to restore what was lost.  I tend to wear a mask on my face, one showing a child who still is afraid to speak out in love.   I only show my true face to my family, but I no longer wish to hide behind that mask. 

There really is a battle going on.  It’s not good vs. evil, but truth vs. false.  And even THAT doesn’t make much sense.  Which is how come we need to rethink about mystics, magic and fantasy as a good way to start making more sense of reality.  What I’m attempting to do is put into words what my heart is and I’m finding it hard to say what I mean.

 I don’t have the answer.  But I feel that I AM HIS answer.  Just as my wife is His answer.  Just as all the people that I encounter everyday are HIS answer.  I know this makes no sense, and at the same time makes perfect sense.  

So much of my early “Christian” life was waiting for Jesus to come back, when I find that HIS Spirit is what is to be formed within me.  I keep feeling closer and closer to this, but then something happens to where I want to put the mask back on and hide Him and take the credit.  It’s like taking two steps forward and then you are pulled back 10 steps. 


It’s a scary place to go beyond the facade of “church” and start exploring what being good and evil is about.  Fear not being truthful or fear saying something false.  Fear not being corrected. Fear not being noticed. Fear not being the center of attention.  Fear not deity.  Fear not NO deity.   To finally come to ONE full truth about WHO YOU are. 

I feel as if I’ve been initiated by His presence. 

There is no better feeling than this. 







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