For Richer And Poorer

19 10 2013

Third and final post in a series about divorce pervention.

So many people have use the marriage vows that include the phrase “For Richer, For Poorer”.   How many couples standing up there in front of friends and family do NOT take that vow seriously.  And how many people in our religious and political systems remember those phrases?  From what I see, not many do.

This post will go off into some areas of life that may not seem related, but really do connect and also deals with the current political/sociological/ religious horror that is happening in the United States.

First off, the vilifying of being poor.  The GOP wants to cut all austerity programs in the USA to “save money” and make people more responsible without doing something to really create jobs.  The reality is that many, MANY people who are well educated, have degrees and have graduated collage can’t find work in the study that they have the diploma in.  Labor jobs, those “blue collar” ones that once made America’s economy run are hard to find in a full time, and require many to have experience anymore rather than take a chance and hire the person.

Many couples, including my wife and I, have to use the SNAP program from time to time due to our age, having children and having to find other work during the summer months.   Sometimes that means that my wife and I don’t get to do “vacation” time  while our girls still get to go to camp and other activities.    It USED to be that teens filled up the part time restaurant work,  delivered newspapers,  went door to door selling seeds, but NOW there are very few of these jobs due to the demand of EVERYONE looking for FULL TIME work and not being able to get out of the trap that is permeant part time.

Meanwhile, the top 1% of the earned income in this country continues to go to those who can crunch the numbers, which are made up and not based on how much gold or silver the USA has, and think that if every one just does what THEY do, then we will all be millionaires and masters of the world.  There is NO middle class anymore, no matter what the media says and no matter how much you would like to believe that just because you own your home, that you are in the middle.  No, there is the working poor AND the working rich.   There is also the NON working poor AND NON working rich.   These are the people who will cheat the systems that are meant to be a safety net for when the economy is not healthy.

We live lives of illusion when we start to worship money as “god”.  Since I was a kid, there was, and still is a stigma to not having any money.  My own parents would argue about how much money there was.  I know my dad didn’t want to live with Grandma  and he took a job as a principal, instead of continuing to teach science which he loved to do.  He did it because, “your mom needs more money, she’s never satisfied, it’s never enough for her.”  Or at least he believe that.  I find that he was believing the lie of the American Dream.

Right now you are saying , “Oh he’s back on track about preventing divorce and he’s gonna get off this class warfare stuff now.”   Sadly, no.  Because there is class warfare right in your own home!  Unless you are able to get your vision of what it means to be married, what it takes to STAY in love, and to stop worshiping money!

So many people are afraid to risk surrendering  themselves to anyone.   We have been taught since childhood that you and ONLY you are important.  At least that is what I learned.   We are told to love one another, BUT make sure you don’t set yourself up to be hurt, walked all over and have an easy life.  This is the greatest LIE ever told!   Life is rough.  We were not made to sit passively by and watch the world go to hell.  We were not meant to be afraid of ANYTHING.  But we continue to fear what we can not control,  we fear that if we don’t have money, we are not worth anything to anyone, INCLUDING God, we fear that we will end up just like those who have been on the streets and die there, unknown and alone.

Depressing, isn’t it?


What if all this depression and fear could be taken away.  What if, instead of listening to the lying of the media and the over exaggeration  of  how many people are not pulling their weight and getting a job,  what if just doing the work you either love or need to do is not rewarded with cash, but with respect for the person doing the work, how would that change your perception on what it means to be really privileged?   What if we would quit blaming our schools, religion, the government, ALL our systems and blame OURSELVES that the mess of them vs. us has caused and return to a vision of brother/sisterhood.  Wouldn’t that help us understand that we are NOT individuals, but family.

“Oh you misguided hippie!  That is not what America is about.  Go to Canada”.   No, I will not, because the American Dream is as dead and lifeless as your way of thinking has gone.   In FACT,  the issue is that I see many people never use their hearts in decision making.  They only use the information in their brains or what the TV tells them to believe.  I know this to be true because I’ve lived this way.   I used to live in only in my head and imagined reality.  I have also lived only in my heart, and that way was lacking.   TIME and quiet helps you to become IN-formed and realize that your whole being starts with the heart and not the head.   For within BOTH worlds do they become one and WISDOM formed in to the one thing that matters,  LOVE

Wisdom only comes from being able to have the heart and mind work together!   But that takes finding someone who can train you in the way.  The way of the Western thinking has been  “What is in it for ME!’   A very childish way to live.  I know that when I got married I thought all my wants would be met like turning on a light, instant and immediate.  Boy was I wrong.  I still didn’t get what I wanted, not even money.   I added Kathleen’s debt to mine and we have been fighting to get out of it for years.  I thought it would be easier with more income, and it wasn’t.   It took my grandmother passing and an inheritance to get rid of most of the debt.   I went into marriage wanting all my needs to be met.  I hid this from my wife at the time, but looking back I think she saw this.    Too much thinking.  Too much wanting.  Too much demanding that I and I alone be satisfied.

Part of being married is to start on a new path in life.  To be able to let go of the idea of “what’s in it for me” to “what can I do for YOU”.   We have to accept that we are to take on debts,  and poor emotional states, and begin healing one another in LOVE.   Oh there’s that word again, “Love”.   But what does that really mean?   So much of our learning puts love being an emotion and not the Way we were designed to live.    It’s just been recently that I discovered that you can LOVE without money,  religion,  politics and even a mate.   LOVE is not just an emotional state, it is a WISDOM that brings everything back to a fully functioning life.   In LOVE there is true freedom for a person, but that freedom comes at a great cost.  No wonder the poor find this before the rich do.   LOVE is the heart and mind working together.

Ancient cultures used to worship the heart as the center of their being.  It’s only been in recent history that the mind has been valued over the heart.  Western thought and “enlightenment” changed the concepts and has made it difficult for us as a nation,  and even married couples, to look and find wisdom from the heart.   It takes courage to stop thinking like a Westerner in the USA for I do believe that it’s this kind of thinking without heart that has brought us all to the poor house.   As more people discover that money can not love as a person can love, we will store up a new treasure.  One that has been there all the time, locked away because we are too afraid to share it.

I watched the documentary “I AM”  from the director of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective,  and yes, it really is a good documentary, that showed what science has learned recently.  Our heart beats give off a pulse that can be felt by other people.  It’s invisible to the eye, but how many times have you been around someone who is angry and have felt their emotion coming off them and invading you?  I have had this happen.  When you see your heart beat at the doctor’s office on the monitor, there are peaks and valleys.   In the valley, scientists have discovered that your emotions start in that valley and what emotion you are emulating shows there.   LOVE is the one that makes the heart regulate properly.   All other emotions show up and the heart doesn’t work as well as it should.

Blessed are the poor, in spirit.  The rich tend to hide the heart, because they now have something that they feel needs to be protected from harm.  In LOVE you don’t need to protect, for LOVE protects.   There are no rich or poor in LOVE.

Love is patient, love is kind. He does not envy, She does not boast, He is not proud.    She does not dishonor others, He is not self-seeking, She is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.(J) (1 Corinthians) (MY Paraphrase)

The passage from this letter continues to say “Love never fails”.

When we finally accept that we fail ourselves when we depend on money,  or knowledge alone,  then and ONLY then will we attempt to love.   When that mountain is climbed what you find on the top is the Utopia that you have been searching for.

Jesus’ WAY was and always will be love.   It takes courage to BE love in a world that worships at the alter of knowledge alone.   You are unable to live in the heart by itself, or the mind by itself.  It’s being able to understand the emotions that start in the heart, and USE those emotions with the knowledge that is in your memory. THIS is MY way.  It’s the way of LOVE that is promised after you have tried faith and hope.  LOVE is all that is left.  .

May you find the love that has always been with you.  May you always BE love to those around you.  May you see LOVE as the ONLY way.

LOVE is the ONLY way to prevent a divorce.   May you understand that you ARE loved and you CAN love.






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