Being a Good Patient … NOT!

15 08 2011

I’ve never really liked being sick. Who does?

For the past 4 weeks, I’ve had some kind of allergy related thing. It’s made me sick with gooey eyes, congested chest and tiredness.

And yet when I’m feeling well I’d rather just lay around watching TV or reading. This makes my life crazy. We all want a life of ease where we can do what we want, but our bodies tend to have other ideas that we can’t control. I’m not talking about sex or what some call sinful nature, but those things that are part of us that thought and self-will can’t do anything about.

I was in fourth grade when my allergies first showed up. I spent quite a bit of time in bed that year because I was always having headaches that the doctors said were from allergies. I went several times to have scratch and needle test to determine what I was allergic to. I didn’t like that. I really wanted to be with friends and play outside.
I had every kid’s dream of not having to go to school, but I was told to stay in bed and rest.

Now here I am again, really HATING my body’s reaction to things I can’t control. I had to call in sick for work, I had a charter run, because my eyes are so gooey and I’m so groggy that driving, even with a non-drowsy allergy medicine, would not be safe. I feel like I let people down when I get sick.

So I’ve been thinking too much about WHY this has happened again. I have these bouts with the allergy thing and have tried several types of medications, but I’m wondering if there have been changes again. The non-drowsy stuff I took yesterday only made me anxious and felt like I’d taken a major speed-up pill.

All it will take is going to a doctor. I understand that I can only self-diagnose only so far. I’m just not wanting to admit defeat here. I would rather NOT visit a doctor because most of the time they say to “take over the counter allergy relief and if it don’t help come back again.”

I am NOT a good patient. I’m not PATIENT with sickness. I don’t like the weeks on end allergies.I don’t like my body telling me to rest. I would like to have a choice in this and I feel like I don’t. And right now the power of positive thinking sucks. I long for a day where no one is physically sick anymore, especially me. When I get sick I feel like I’ve let down my family because I’m too tired to do work around the house, and yet I should feel some peace about not being able to do housework.

Trying to find the good in sickness is hard. There are people who are worse off than me. I know that I’m not dying, but when I think too much about what I can’t get done when I’m sick, I find that I’m only making myself sicker. Staying inside those negative thoughts don’t help me. It’s that whole “oh poor me” thinking that causes so much pain and suffering.

The idea of healing can work, if I start to think more positively. Most of the time we all think very negative about ourselves, our lives and our world. The natural world is NOT against us. There are things in nature that do things to our bodies that we don’t like, allergies is one of those, but everything we need for healing is here. I just need to quit worrying right now.

I’ll heal up and feel better soon. It’s just I’m impatient with being sick.

Oh great, now I’m being told by my eldest daughter that she has no pants for today. HERE’S WHERE I REALLY HATE BEING SICK! We have shown her how to do laundry, but she’s unwilling to do it. And I see that the dishwasher needs loading because no one else in the family did it. This is why I CAN’T be sick.

So my patient factor is moot. Even though I don’t feel that I can drive safely, I DO need to get up and do some housework. Yes I’m complaining. I’m NOT patient when it comes to things that people can do themselves and need to quit relying on ME to do it for them.



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