What 15 Years of Marriage Has Done To Me

19 11 2010

Yesterday was our 15th wedding anniversary. It sunk up on us again. My wife, Kathleen have been though many trials, tribulations and joys. Sometimes all at once.

I had a few people at work finding it amazing that we have been married for 15 years. I find their amazement stupefying. I was raised up in an interesting family. My dad was and is a confirmed deist and my mom claims to be Christian. My grandma helped us to find Christ through the Methodist tradition. Within this frame I was taught that marriage is forever, or until my body dies.

Problem was that my parents marriage was on the rocks by the time I was 12. It fell apart due to money issues, conflicting perspectives on how to raise the kids, and many others that I was not aware of at the time. They divorced. My dad’s take has always been that some people just can’t stay married. My mom’s take? I’m still not sure what she was about. But I assume that it was a lot of verbal abuse by my dad.

So how does this affect my marriage?


I married a wonderful, self reliant woman, who understands how to take care of herself and others. I know she understands what to do when I get out of control. And BOY have I gotten out of control sometimes. Though the conditions of what happens to us changes daily, I’ve learned to forgive BOTH of us, for what mistakes we make.

I’ve learned that if you treat someone like a pile of shit, guess what, that is how you will be treated.

I’ve learned that to admit you did something that has caused harm takes great courage and reveals your true heart.

I’ve learned that when the house is a mess and I don’t do anything about leading a clean up or doing it myself, the other members of the family won’t do it either.

I’ve learned that God doesn’t really care if you are religious, but that you KNOW him as closely as you would know your partner. Even see Him within your wife or husband.

I’ve learned that freaking out over money only causes couples to fight. Money doesn’t buy love, it gets only fleeting things.

I’ve learned that treating my wife as I would like to be treated may not get me results I’m expecting, but will show my girls how to treat each other.

I’ve learned that putting up with interests that your partner does that you have no interests in helps to keep us unique. (I’m sorry, but I still don’t get Harry Potter.)

I will not lie. The past 15 years were not all wonderful. Any one who says that they are “happily married” must have had a wedding ceremony every day. I can say I am happy to BE married.

I can say that my love for my wife is beyond just any plain love, but has moved into the unconditional phase.

This doesn’t mean we won’t fight, but I find that we laugh a lot easier now than we did just a year ago.

I’m sorry for what happened in the past. I know that how I behaved when I was the “demanding husband” early on in our marriage was wrong. I am happy that I sought out God when we were split up. And now I see our Father guiding us away from the things that didn’t work to something different.

I am so proud that my wife is writing. I hope that she can get a publisher for her book.

I am proud of our three daughters who without the marriage and our dedication to raising them as a couple, I don’t think they would be as bright and wise as they are.

This is what 15 years of a real marriage has done to me. Made me more kind and generous. More willing to do the dirty work. Yeah we are the working poor, having to pay off some financial debt. But we are doing it together. As equals and as lovers of each other and of our Papa.



One response

20 11 2010

Nicely written. Glad you have survived to celebrate 15 yrs. Congratulations.

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