Fried? Free? Huh?

23 09 2010

Today I had another fender bender with my bus. I’m now on “leave” til the Collision Review board can look at this last indecent.

The good news: No students on board. This happened in the bus yard before I went out on route. I did the honest thing and reported what happened after I got back.

Now here’s the funny thing: I feel free.

I don’t really get this, but I feel free to search for new work. I feel free to take care of the house. I feel free to do anything and everything that I’m able to do.

I know that I am loved. I feel that love even now.

I am confident that there GOD is love. But that word “GOD” doesn’t even describe the presence that I feel right now.

I will admit that parked vehicles will not move and you can hit them if you are not aware that they are there. I will admit that the mistakes that I make are mine and no one else. That my actions do matter.

But no matter what I do, I am not separated from His love.

I am disappointed in myself for doing the same mistake over too many times. And I have a choice to make. I can wait until the Collision Review, worry that I don’t have a job and be fired. Or act like the job is already gone and cry, or I can take heart and have faith that there is something better for me than what I was doing.

There are times in life where you just have to say “FRAK IT”! and start over. This might be the time for me. AGAIN.

This may not be the easiest thing to do, look for work in a down economy, but that has never stopped me from employment. Only my lack of self esteem has made me stop working IN the world.

I can’t describe the feeling I have that I’m about to dive into a different world, job, event a new “whatever”.

Will I “die” if after the Collision review? No, I don’t even need to be at it, but because it is the right thing to do, unless I have gotten other work, I’ll go to it. Life goes on. Our journey is only as long as our bodies work.

I will come out fine. Because I know I am loved.



2 responses

23 09 2010
Kevin Reitz

Dude, I know so well how you feel. I just went through the same thing last month and experienced many of the same emotions. Thanks for being open and sharing, hopefully your story will impact others.

23 09 2010
Elizabeth Esther

I so admire your courage in doing the right thing! I don’t know if I could be that brave. Thank you. You are an inspiration. And please keep us updated about what happens after the review. You rock.

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