The Problem With Nerves

18 08 2010

And here I go again. Another problem that really might not be one.

I’m nervous today about going to do a charter run at the bus company I work for. Three weeks ago, I had a fender bender and if I have another I loose my job. If I go without a avoidable accident through October 22nd, I get one of my accidents off my record.

Two weeks ago, I fell down the stairs here at home and missed a run because I was too sore to drive. Took a few days to heal up.

Yesterday I had some kind of allergic reaction to cheesecake that then gave me a migraine headache. Thought I would have to cancel again today.

I used to feel with the nerves that your body is trying to tell you something. Today it saying , “Don’t go.” What I really am is scared of making a mistake and loosing the job, not because I’m a safe driver and make mistakes, but because I don’t want to let my family down or the work place down.

So my nerves like to take over, start telling what is gonna happen instead of me being in the moment, I create a lie with my mind.

I have no real idea what will happen out on the road. As long as I keep my safety cushion around the bus, be aware of what is going on around the bus, I will be good.

It’s hard though when you are living in a world that says we are all screw ups no matter what. The indoctrination of sin, which I’ve come to believe is the greatest lie of all, makes us get all nervous before our loving Father.

That brings some peace to my heart and calms me down. But it is up to this individual to make sure Papa’s world and people don’t get hurt while I’m driving. He may have helped me get the bus driver job, but I think he likes to see me drive. He is with me as I do it, but will let me take the wheel and will take that wheel from me if I’m not doing the job safely.

He will teach me lessons from within on what to do.

I feel calmer than I did when I woke up this morning from sleep. Perhaps I’ve just been sleepwalking these past weeks.

Performance anxiety is a result of fractured nerves. I need mine to heal a bit quicker.

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