What To Do With This Life I’ve Been Given

30 07 2010

The past few days have been eye, heart and mind opening.

I’ve been reading about the Conservative point of view on both politics and religion. I’ve been seeing how much hate is spewed forth from immature personalities. Including myself.

I used to have a MySpace page, but I find that it is gone, and I’m very happy that I can’t access it anymore. There was lots of attacking the “bully” called the institutional church, attacking to hurt, injure and destroy that thing that was causing MY death.

I came to understand that I could do nothing about what I see being a failure of man. Because I feel that I have been given a new life IN Christ and that the old way doesn’t fit the old way.

I started to thank my Father for getting me out of that old life and giving me a new one.

Then I felt and heard a voice say, “What do you want to do with this life I’ve given you?”

Exsqueese Me? A baking powder?

“What do you want to do with this life I’ve given you?”

Ummmmm……..

(Answer not clear, ask again later.)

I started to realize that God was asking ME what I think my life should be. Not what HE thinks it is. He was asking me HOW I should live.

That’s when I had an epiphany!

Follow me here.

When you were a child, at some point in your young years you were asked “What do you want to do when you grow up?” Well, I am now 42 years old…..I’M GROWN UP!!!! Duh! You stupid broken idiot! I fixed you when you came to me, that is how you matured, by letting you Papa here show you what to do.

So….according to my Papa, I’m a grown up, and can do anything I want with this new life that he is showing me….AND I GET TO CHOOSE!

I’m no longer bound by the limiting parenting that I got from my mom and dad, teachers and bosses.

No MAN can tell me WHAT to be.

We let the “other” define us for so many years. Teaching us moral behaviors but not showing us HOW to be who WE want to be.

You may not have had this trouble, but I certainly did. Now I’m getting to re learn what was in my heart as a child, start to LIVE what I love to do, instead of just pretending.

I don’t need the church to tell me WHAT or HOW to be, but I do need FRIENDS that can be the encouragement to “get out there and be IN life”.

So I’m looking back to my artist roots. I used to draw and paint. Looking to find a way to start that again. Remembering what it was like to be an actor, being able to bring stories on a page to life. Playing the piano again, but not reading the sheet music, but just letting the notes be played songs that have no name.

Meanwhile, I’m not gonna worry about if this makes me an income. I still have a bus driver job, and even that will end one day, but to start using those artistic skills that come naturally.

I was broken, destroyed by my own ego, and now fresh and new.

So I would like, if I may, be an artist who’s life giving work will be seen not only by the God of the Universe, but by those who need to hear what God has to say through the art that will be created.

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