I find that there is a false sense of reality when it comes to January 1st.  Our current calendar is due to some one in the past saying that 2012 years ago began the “year of our Lord”.  But what if THIS year, this time right now, in fact, this very moment IS the DAY of our Lord?  And what IS your Lord? 

For this coming year I plan on making sure that I  am constantly aware of WHY this day is here.  

Too many of us act as if each year is a clean slate, that what you did yesterday doesn’t effect what is happening to you today.  I find that happens for all of us.  Were you loving to others yesterday?  Did you say something hateful or degrading?  Were you a bully without realizing that you did a bullying act?  

A good example of what I consider bullying is all the times I called someone stupid, idiot, foolish,  lazy, asshole, shit for brains, fucking jerk.  Bullying is NOT only a childhood thing, but is done all the time by adults who say they are just showing “tough love”.  

But what if you ONLY said loving things this year.  Stayed away from listening to pundents who’s job is to be rude and make bullying a “normal” thing?  If you can stand it, just go and listen to some of what the cable news media says.  Even people who I respect like Keith Olberman come off sounding like bullies.  When you act out of anger, you will eventually come off like a bully. 

There are times in your life where you will find out that humbling yourself, instead of showing off how “intelligent” you are and listen to someone else’s point of view, you might see that you have either been bullied or have bullied someone into believing un-truths. 

This day is here for us to be love and to BE loved.  Nothing more, nothing less.  This day is here for laughter and joy.  This day is here for us to love each other. To treat each other as we would like to be treated.  This day is here, because WE are here.  

My hope for this day is that greed, war, and even death is overcome by love. 

If there is to be ONE kingdom, ONE way, ONE life, it’s only  to be found IN love.  

Go and be aware that you ARE love and Loved. For THAT is MY Lord. I hope you found this Lord too.

Love in peace. 

Amen.

I have not written to you in many years because I really do feel that you can’t make the miracles happen anymore. You have become to busy with the commercialism of the season and I really would like you to stop. I mean, you have to admit that your legend has been corrupted and your reputation is on the line if you really don’t get to every child,  even if they aren’t Christian, to get them their desired gift that will be long forgotten  after January.  So dearest Santa I ask that you STOP this madness and only do something that will make the world a better place this year.  

My wish is that you would do something about the national debt, either get rid of it all together or put those elves into making some of that green stuff that we need so desperately so we can pay off the fake elves from Christmases past.  I wish you would take TOY guns to all those that LOVE guns and replace their real ones with the fakes.  All over the world!   For without guns and ammo, people will have to resort to knife fights instead. Oh and get rid of all the nasty bombs too. And the planes.

For those who are over religious I ask that you take away their anger and mixed up passions. For those with no religion, have a cause for them so I don’t have to read anymore useless blogs that don’t change hearts to their point of views.  Would give me reason to NEVER blog again too.   I ask for the poor that you make a permanent home for them where ever they are. Perhaps you could use some extra help making those crappy toys. You could fix the work problem. But then we’d have more useless crap sitting around the rest of the year, so never mind that wish. 

Santa, if you are really real, why is your spirit so NOT a part of politics and religion?  I watch that show every year about how you got your red suit and started making toys.  Why did you make parents into your go between?  Really now. If you really want to be taken seriously, you need to just do it  yourself,  that’s what a GOOD American Santa should do.  All those elves, you could really use some of those Occupy People to do some of the work if it’s too much for you to do yourself.  Would take some pressure off the politicians who say our country is being run by stupid people. 

So dearest Santa, if you do get your work done in time for the 25th,  Make sure if you don’t have all the toys made by the elves that you send the attack elves to pepper spray the store crowds so that every child gets the toy that they WANT.  YOU are the king of Christmas and YOUR way needs to be emphasized much more than any deity that you decided to steal the holiday from. 

Love ya,

Steven

Now that the ranting letter is done, here’s what I really would like for Christmas.

I would love for people to LOVE one another.

 I would love to have people be more important that getting things for a cheap price and then throwing that thing away for the next BIG thing.

I would  love for children to respect authority when it is due. This goes for adults as well.

I would love to have people respect themselves enough to treat others as they would wish to be treated.

I would love to have peace be in every heart. No fear or hate left inside because there is no room in the human heart for such emotion.

I would love to have people doing the work that brings them peace instead of “working for a living”.

I would love to have no debt and no money.  

I would love to have a world where you don’t have to pay for food, clothing and shelter.  

I would love to have a world where politics or religiosity don’t matter. 

I would love to have people who LOVE God  do as he asks of us.

I would love to have people who DON’T believe in God to NOT attack and destroy the faith of those that do. 

I would love to have people who LOVE to BE LOVE at all times. 

I would love to LIVE in the real world than to live a false life on the internet.

I would love to LOVE you!  For the agape of the world is the truth!  For Agape is THE way.  For Agape IS REAL and LASTING LIFE!

Joy to the world. Peace, GOOD will towards ALL!

The Things I am Thankful for By Beth McDade

     I am thankful for many things. I have written about my life, my family and food + drink. Let me tell you the reasons I am thankful for these things.

     One thing I am thankful for is my life. I am thankful for my life because I wouldn’t be here without it. Another reason is that I wouldn’t be able to have fun with friends. Also, I would not be part of my family. In conclusion, I am VERY thankful for my life.

     Also, I am quite thankful for my family and cat. One reason is that they comfort me when I am sad. Next, they play with me when they have time. Last, they care about me by saying they love me. To sum up, I am extremely thankful for my family. 

     I am also thankful for food + drink. First, I do not starve with food + drink. Second, without them I would get super skinny.  Third, drinks keep my throat from drying out. All in all, I am absolutely thankful for food + drink. 

     I am VERY thankful for these things. Without a life, I would not be here. Without a family I would be lonely and sad. Without food and drink I would starve. These things make me complete and happy. YAY!

The insight from a child.  Happy Thanksgiving. 

I have quit trying to have the last word. I find that when I do that, there is no more room for any of us to learn from each other. I treasure Chris and Dana’s opinions because it has helped me to move further away from a Zealot religious stance to more of the Christ way in life.

What I have seen happening is a friendship that I want to move from just being on line with them, to hanging out with them. I see this as being the way that Jesus was with people. He went any hung with the “evil” people as the “far right” christians won’t do. I only make this judgement because I find that most “christians” are unwilling to go and be with non-believers.

I have decided there is no point in trying to “convert” anyone that doesn’t want to learn Jesus’ Way. I find that by NOT being out IN the world you can’t make any difference. It is better to hang with “sinners” than to hang with the most pious religious people who are hypocrites when it comes to Christ’s Way.

I’ve also encountered out IN the world many broken people who are in need of healing. I have also discovered that many children out in the world are in need of mentors because of the lack of parents being their children’s mentors. But that is another story for another time.

With a combination of dialogue with my atheist friends and several books that I’ve read, I’ve made a connection to what myth combined WITH reality can help us all understand Christ better.

When I go to the library, I no longer try to read those books that would bring me comfort, but will challenge my comfort zone. I no longer get a lot of books from the religious areas or the political areas, but I do peruse some of the “self-help” areas. From the titles all I see are people who are saying “you are messed up, let me help you.” How true this is. We are all messed up, but if we weren’t hurt by someone you haven’t entered into life.

One of the book titles that leapt off the shelf at me was “Iron John: A Book About Men” by poet Robert Bly. This is one of those few books that you can find about men and masculinity. The truth is that we have forgotten what a real masculine man looks and acts like. This is not a sexist thing, but a gender thing that does still matter today. As much as we really want the genders to be the same, there is still an inert part of the modern male that has not grown up. We have too many men, and this goes for homosexual males too, that haven’t grown up or have become fully adult. (I feel that I’m just NOW entering into a more mature part of life.)

Now since I have studied the Christ story and do see that it is a timeless tale, it is a mythology that seems to have seeped into all cultures. Now to ME though it was through the Jesus story and deciding to accept Jesus as my mentor and teacher that I have been able to come into manhood. By taking Jesus as that first, instead of just blind following, I’ve learned that I was NOT using my mind. Blind obedience tends to keep you from the way, truth and life.

Mr. Bly talks in his book “Iron John” about how important is is for young boys to go through an initiation process. In the USA we have forgotten this. We educate and then expect our men and women to go into life. We send our kids to school ,but they have teachers who can’t get to know them, unless they are “the problem kid” who acts up. (I experience this with kids on my bus. I only really get to know those who don’t follow my directions.) I’ve come to believe that kids who don’t have mentors in their parents and don’t search one out or that a mentor doesn’t come to them, the child becomes a bully. In the Christian world there are a lot of “teachers” but no mentors.

The Christian world is teaching rules and morals but not following the rules or morals. The Christian view teaches doctrine, purity, piety, or belief and to give your life to God. But I find this NOT to be a religion but a system that is supposed to keep you under control. How’s that working out for ya? From what I can see, not good at all.

With in the pages of Bly’s “Iron John” I found this passage to be very insightful about what religion really should be:

“[Religion] means a willingness to be a fish in the holy water, to be fished for by Dionysus or one of the other fishermen, to bow the head and take hints from one’s own dreams, to live a secret life, praying in a closet, to be lowly, to eat grief as the fish gulps water and lives. It means being both fisherman and fish,…”

(Iron Man: A Book About Men, pg 38)

Mr.Bly also talks about how we are wounded and that we can’t fully go into life without that wound happening and how we are to NOT be the wound but take hold of the wound. We can’t fully understand the above definition of religion unless we are initiated into . We can’t understand this type of religious life without initiation. My initiation came when I went to the Walk To Emmaus, when I started into my manhood in Christ. I had learned ABOUT Jesus before then, but it wasn’t till then, when I was 32 that I started my mentorship with Jesus.

Mr. Bley says that “Being a fish is to be active, not with cars or footballs, but with soul.” There is so much that mythology AND science combined can teach those who are in Christ about our own beliefs. There is no quick fix to the wounds that we have. If you were NOT hurt by someone, either physically, emotionally, or by your own actions, you will never understand what life really is.

We all need to be healed of our wounds by recognizing those wounds and start to take the medicine to heal them. Within Jesus’ story he is know has a “doctor” and does healing. Even Jesus has a huge wound that was done on the cross. We all can learn from Jesus’ story. We can also learn from other mythos.

Christ is timeless and ageless. The story is universal but it is told in many forms. The Christ story points to where God really exists though science can’t prove that God is real.

My hope is that all people, believers and non believers, Christian, Muslims, Jews, Jedi, Atheists, Agnostics, Deists, and those too numerous to list will start to see that the Christ story is universal. That it is not so much the presentation, but the MESSAGE of the Christ (which means Messiah) is what is important. That we can learn from a mentor on what works IN life, instead of learning WHAT life is.

May you find your peace within. May you find your mentor. He or she is out there. Never close your mind off that there is or isn’t a God. Live everyday with the renewing of your mind, heart and soul. Don’t worry about having the “last word”, because if you do, you will stop learning and growing.

Life is never the end, it’s only the beginning.

“

I tried over the past year to go back to a church group, but the fit just is not there…yet.

There are Christians who only follow a doctrine and NOT the teachings of Christ. I know this all to well, because I used to be like that.

I’ve been reading the works of Dallas Willard and have discovered that most churches don’t help develop the soul. Western Chruchianity ignores the restoration of the soul, going from hate and fear to one of love. Good news is that more people are discovering the Christ within and leaving the long faced religion to discover the wonder of the Kingdom of God within.

In “Renovation of The Heart: Putting on the Character of Christ”, Willard points out that Christians should not be defensive, which is so opposite of what Western Churchianity does. So many times you hear pastors and laity defending the faith. Instead of being in defensive mode, there should be some offense played. Being active in doing what Jesus says to do. The Christian should be having their soul restored and not just saying that they accept Jesus as lord.

Willard points out that there should be the following qualities as Christ is formed within:

1. Letting love be completely real
2. Abhorring what is evil
3. Clinging to what is good
4. Being devoted to one another in family-like love
5. Outdoing on another in giving honor
6. Serving the Lord with ardent spirit and all diligence.
7. Rejoicing in hope
8. Being patient in troubles
9. Being devoted constantly to prayer
10. Contributing to the needs of the saints
11. Pursuing (running after ) hospitality
12. Blessing persecutors and not cursing them
13. Being joyful with those who are rejoicing and being sorrowful with those in sorrow
14. Living in harmony with each other
15. Not being haughty, but fitting right in with the “lowly” in human terms
16. Not seeing yourself as wise
17. Never repaying evil for evil
18. Having due regard for what everyone takes to be right
19. Being at peace with everyone, so far as it depends on you
20. Never taking revenge, but leaving that to whatever God may decide
21. Providing for needy enemies
22. Not being overwhelmed by evil, but overwhelming evil with good.
(From Renovation of The Heart by Dallas Willard, pg 195-196 , 2002)

I find that most churches that I have attended and have been a part of don’t have people in them that present these qualities. Even I still have a ways to go to these.

I’ve also found it to be true that you can not know God without an experience of him or his love. For all the doctrines that have tried to bring unity to the body of Christ, those same doctrines have cause such a rift between our thinking and the thoughts of Jesus that I find I no longer believe in the doctrines.

I finished watching a documentary series that was produced in the 1990′s called “Legacy” which gives the history of society. I highly recommend you watch the 6 episodes and find out how damaging the Western thought of “might makes right” is to our world and the teachings of Jesus. I find that the far east part of the world was much more peaceful til the “barbarian” west invaded the “old” world either to expand the rule of the west or finding ways to become rich by trade routes.

Mr. Willard’s list is proof that we in the West don’t get how the world should be. We have been forcing an ideal that is NOT in conjuncture with peace. Just as forcing “communism” on a people is wrong, so is forcing “democracy” on unwilling people. Forcing Christianity on people is wrong.

Forcing ANY view is wrong. No one FORCED you to read this post. Why you chose to read it I don’t know. But I do know that when I force people to conform to what I believe instead of letting the person come to a conclusion on their own, I have failed to love them.
FORCE is not the way to make things happen.

Our western culture has been a survival of the fittest, forcing people to be “better than they are” Fearing that we are not complete in who we are from the start.

Is it fit to live in pointless fear?

Is it fit to spread fear and destruction?

The Aztec nation built a city on fear. Human blood sacrifices to appease a vengeance ridden god. A god who forced his worshipers to do what he says! Rome and Greece brought “freedom” to the Jewish nations and Africa by bringing their gods and wisdom. A “manifest destiny” so to speak. There was some pluralism going on too. Rome let the Jews have their god, but really didn’t like him to my understanding. The couldn’t believe in only ONE God.

Of course that change with Constantine. But the view of Jesus’ God changed. It’s the one we have followed ever since.

Now we appease a false god who says that the only way to protect the weak is to pick up weapons of war and kill each other. Conform to his way or burn in Hell. We are forced into moral behavior.

Here in the USA we continue that tradition of sacrifice to a god who is no different than our nation. This “god” tells us to work hard or fight for him so democracy can reign. If you don’t you are not in god’s will and are going to hell. This is all harsh words and forced ideals.

THIS is not the way the Eastern world viewed God. Eastern mystics saw humans and the universe/world as one. If humanity is suffering than the whole universe is suffering. From HOW Jesus taught, I see he held a similar belief. Most of his comparisons of the Kingdom related to nature. We are like good soil and bad soil, plants and weeds, Unlike the faiths that say we are “nothing” just live and die and that is it, Jesus says we ALL are Children of Divine Lordship. And it is NOT after we die, but right here and now we are Divine along with the Spirit. It wasn’t ONLY Caesar who was divine. Jesus saw this THIRD way of living within this time and place than what was being done by two different views.Somewhere between Easter Mysticism and Western Imperialism lies Jesus’ WAY.

Jesus’ teachings tell us not to fear, turn the other cheek, go the extra mile. Finding the way to love the Divine in each person, even those you considered an enemy.

Once again, I suggest that ALL people who follow ANY form of moral code, watch the documentary “Legacy” which is streaming on Netflix and available for rent. I found it enlightening and confirming on what I have learned about God. I agree with Mr. Willard on how a society SHOULD look. And yet, this should not become a creed or fast and hard laws to be put in a nation’s, church’s or family’s constitution. These should flow naturally out of one’s life. It does require some training into more mystical ways, such as prayer, letting go of “reality” for a bit and believe the impossible but always coming back into reality and make peace the reality.

There is much to be done to restore the vision of Jesus to the world. Putting our warrior/sacrificial/forced ideals behind us. That we don’t need to sacrifice our souls, but to freely give our lives away to others. How can you give your life to others when your body is lying in a grave? How can you give your life to others when you are shooting at them? How can you HATE so much that you forget that you and I are Divine Children of God?

Hate is of a cruel lord who wants only to serve himself. Societies fall when the hate rules the land. It’s time to stop the hate. Stand firm not in moral “goodness” but in LOVE. You can have all the moral codes you want, but if you don’t do them in love, you have nothing. We LOVE to live in a hate world, but that is killing us.

I leave you with this from a certain letter that is in the The Message:

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut.
Doesn’t have a swelled head.
Doesn’t force itself on others.
Isn’t always “me first”.
Doesn’t fly off the handle.
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything.
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over someday; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit.We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incomplete will be canceled.(1 Corinthians 13, The Message)

Are you completed? Are you ready to BE love? I know I want to be. Lord, help us be Complete. For LOVE really is the way, the truth and the life. Amen!

For the past 4 weeks, I’ve had some kind of allergy related thing. It’s made me sick with gooey eyes, congested chest and tiredness.

And yet when I’m feeling well I’d rather just lay around watching TV or reading. This makes my life crazy. We all want a life of ease where we can do what we want, but our bodies tend to have other ideas that we can’t control. I’m not talking about sex or what some call sinful nature, but those things that are part of us that thought and self-will can’t do anything about.

I was in fourth grade when my allergies first showed up. I spent quite a bit of time in bed that year because I was always having headaches that the doctors said were from allergies. I went several times to have scratch and needle test to determine what I was allergic to. I didn’t like that. I really wanted to be with friends and play outside.
I had every kid’s dream of not having to go to school, but I was told to stay in bed and rest.

Now here I am again, really HATING my body’s reaction to things I can’t control. I had to call in sick for work, I had a charter run, because my eyes are so gooey and I’m so groggy that driving, even with a non-drowsy allergy medicine, would not be safe. I feel like I let people down when I get sick.

So I’ve been thinking too much about WHY this has happened again. I have these bouts with the allergy thing and have tried several types of medications, but I’m wondering if there have been changes again. The non-drowsy stuff I took yesterday only made me anxious and felt like I’d taken a major speed-up pill.

All it will take is going to a doctor. I understand that I can only self-diagnose only so far. I’m just not wanting to admit defeat here. I would rather NOT visit a doctor because most of the time they say to “take over the counter allergy relief and if it don’t help come back again.”

I am NOT a good patient. I’m not PATIENT with sickness. I don’t like the weeks on end allergies.I don’t like my body telling me to rest. I would like to have a choice in this and I feel like I don’t. And right now the power of positive thinking sucks. I long for a day where no one is physically sick anymore, especially me. When I get sick I feel like I’ve let down my family because I’m too tired to do work around the house, and yet I should feel some peace about not being able to do housework.

Trying to find the good in sickness is hard. There are people who are worse off than me. I know that I’m not dying, but when I think too much about what I can’t get done when I’m sick, I find that I’m only making myself sicker. Staying inside those negative thoughts don’t help me. It’s that whole “oh poor me” thinking that causes so much pain and suffering.

The idea of healing can work, if I start to think more positively. Most of the time we all think very negative about ourselves, our lives and our world. The natural world is NOT against us. There are things in nature that do things to our bodies that we don’t like, allergies is one of those, but everything we need for healing is here. I just need to quit worrying right now.

I’ll heal up and feel better soon. It’s just I’m impatient with being sick.

Oh great, now I’m being told by my eldest daughter that she has no pants for today. HERE’S WHERE I REALLY HATE BEING SICK! We have shown her how to do laundry, but she’s unwilling to do it. And I see that the dishwasher needs loading because no one else in the family did it. This is why I CAN’T be sick.

So my patient factor is moot. Even though I don’t feel that I can drive safely, I DO need to get up and do some housework. Yes I’m complaining. I’m NOT patient when it comes to things that people can do themselves and need to quit relying on ME to do it for them.

Post like “The 20 Most Dangerous Conservatives” and “Welcome to the Next Great Depression” are spreading more hate and fear. (Not linkning to these because I don’t wish to spread more hate and fear.)

So the so called liberal is now the fear monger. This is not the way of love and you are now an imitation of the world. The liberal has become what it hates the most and is doing a wonderful job of demonizing people even more.

What has happened to finding the Christ, that God potential in everyone? What has happened to loving your enemy? Oh yeah, IT’S NEVER BEEN TRIED!

I don’t know if you remember the comic strip “Bloom County”. I loved the silly thing. One of the best things that came from that strip is the idea of a “Dandelion Break”. Last night, my wife suggested that instead of being in front of all our electronic toys that we go out on the front lawn last night. We sat among the dandelions and had a break from the political farce.

We saw our new neighbors who are renting a house across the street had a little girl. But I resisted the urge to go and talk to them, because I really was nervous to meet them. (I’ll have to correct that soon.) Two of my daughters young friends came by and played for an hour. I enjoyed reading a book by Eric Butterworth. I gave my wife a back massage.

I then thought, “What is so wrong with the world? THIS, being outside and enjoying the early evening with family and God, is what life is REALLY about. Why are we so concerned with doom and gloom, when GOD has provided everything we need at the moment.

Even Jesus would take breaks. You can look it up.

What we all need to do is take a step back and really examine our individual lives and understand that no matter what happens we need to quit putting demons into our “enemies”. They were made to be our family.

I still don’t really understand why I blow up.

Perhaps though this post I can work this out a bit.

Yesterday I was not feeling well and had to take the van to a shop to get it looked at. Now I don’t like to do that and I really dislike having to talk to people who know more than I do about ANY subject. I feel stupid when it comes to cars and the maintenance of them. I have a commercial driver’s license so I do know a bit more than the average person when it comes to driving a vehicle, but that has nothing to do with getting a car repaired.

So I get the call about what needs fixing and it turns out to be quite a lot. Now I’m starting to hit a panic mode. As the tech reads to me what we would have to pay up front for certain things, I start to see my near future eroding. The planned short vacation at the coast might not happen. How will we get the middle daughter back from camp? How many days will the van be in the shop? Shit. Shit. SHIT!

Now the tech is telling me that because it’s so late in the day to get back to him tomorrow because they are closing up soon.

Now a regular person would not be freaking out about this and would just take the night to decide on what work to do. Which is what has to happen, but I don’t like to wait. I held my tongue and hung up. I waited for my wife to get home. But I was getting more nervous about how much all the repairs are gonna cost. I let my wife deal with the financial things of our family. I’ve never been very good at doing the bills. I’ve learned to live with not having money in the bank, or very little.

So I called a buddy of mine while I awaited my wife’s return. Not much help there. I was wanting someone to tell me what to do. I really have a hard time making these decisions on my own. So I prayed. I got no answer and no direction on what to do.

Here comes my wife home. I tell her what goes on with the car. I look over my notes from the conversation with the tech and discover I took crappy notes. Everything is starting to fall apart in my head. I start to have these ideas that I will never be able to face people. I start to panic about the possibility of not going on a trip. I am crying and throwing things because I didn’t get the car fixed when we had more money in the bank. My wife tells me we will work it out, that we have funds and will make choices on what to have done right now so we can drive the car. I’m not hearing her and still having these attacking ideas that because I didn’t take care of the car that I will NOT be able to take care of my family. That I’m no good and I should just leave the family because I’m leading them to a life of unstable finances.

I ended up just crying.

I asked my wife to take care of making the final choices on what needs to be done on the car. She will have to call this morning. Then she’s going to her folks house by bus to borrow her mom’s car till ours is fixed. This makes me feel a bit useless. I feel like I should be taking care of this but I really don’t know how. You’re not a man if you don’t have big bucks and the American Dream. All of this is a lie and such utter bullshit. But I still live like this is the truth. It happens every time things don’t go the way I think they will.

The confusion I feel comes from the ideals of the world saying that I am not a man if I don’t come to the rescue of the maiden. I’m not a man if I don’t do things the way that a man should do them. I’m not a man if I can’t take control of my small little world and hold it together by myself.

These lies haven’t been taken out of me. Time and time again I’ve prayed for these to be taken away from me and yet I find the cycle happens again and again. It’s like watching a bad episode of a TV show that you know is bad but yet you can’t stop watching that episode to find out WHY it’s so bad. It’s almost like an addiction, to find all that is wrong with you and believe that you will never get better.

I really don’t want to blow up and have an emotional break down over money again. Is that too much to ask of God, to not let me break down? Is it too much to ask of God that I finally know what it is that I need to do so my family will always have some funds in the bank? Is it too much to ask of my Lord that we will not be of financial need?

So here I am this morning still wondering what it is I’m supposed to do. I used to have dreams of being a big time actor that used his money for family and friends. I used to have dreams of being a big time performer and playing drums with great bands. I used to have dreams of not renting a house but owning and having my family around me in my old age. I used to have dreams about having my own movie house that could also be used for live theatrical performances. I used to dream of having a camp where people could come and find rest for a spell. Is it too much to ask on how to make these dreams come true?

Is it too much to ask God for a world of peace? Is it too much to ask God for me to be perfected and perfect?

Life seems too hard. I’m still too much focused on the financial gains and not enough on the wonderful Lord that shows that money is fleeting and not worth worrying over. Is it too much to ask that I be “normal”?

What is too much?

Now I’m feeling the presence of God. I hear a voice saying, “Depend on me, not Money.” I’m wanting to stutter “But, but, but, but, but,”. “Stop that” the voice says. “Depend completely on me and the one I sent to you.”

That is enough.

I see now what part of my problem is that I don’t get quiet enough when a stressful situation arises. I don’t turn to God when my little world starts to fall. I don’t turn on to being a dependent child of God. I rebel against my Lord when I try to take care of things by myself. I rebel against my Lord when I put money on HIS throne instead of having Him sit on it. I need to depend on HIS voice within me. I need to depend on the advice of my wife and friends. I don’t have to do this all alone.

This is enough.

My twitter stream as been filled with so much hatred to our government officials, hatred to people of faith and people mad that they will have to pay more for streaming movies from Netflix that I see we all need a reminder that we are NOT privileged.

Come on people! Grow up and start to understand that just because you were born here in the USA that you don’t get what you want. You should be getting what you need, which is food, clothing and shelter. Everything else is just a joke. We believe the lie that you need the latest and greatest thing. We believe the lie that we have to buy buy buy! We believe that a democracy or a republic will solve all our problems.

We get upset and complain that the country is going to hell. From what I’ve seen this week, we are there and the only thing we are doing is bitching. Yes, EVERYONE is bitching. My liberal atheist friends AND liberal Christians AND conservative Christians are complaining about each other.

COME ON!

This is not Christ like. I would rather go hang at the San Diego Comic Con w/sane people than listen to the bitching anymore.

If fact, I find those that dress up in costumes and are interested in an alternate reality to be more patient, loving, kind, semi self controlled. You know, those things a Christian SHOULD be.

We are acting like a 6 year old who doesn’t want to go to bed because she doesn’t know that she is tired. (Yep, my youngest is doing that now.) There is so much whine going on that I’m about ready to send to congress, to institutional church leaders and some on line friends stinky cheese to go with the whine.

STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!

It’s time for everyone to take a time out! Go on a day trip. Take a small vacation. Turn off the internet for a day. Talk with someone face to face. Breathe! Take an inventory of your life. See what is really the problem with your point of view. Go to a Comic Con. (I can’t afford SDCC but would LOVE to go sometime.) Go on a social media fast.

That’s what I’m gonna do. Hope to see you out there in the world.

I put the drums in storage to focus on leading the praise band at the church we were at. They had been there since last night. Due to renovations that were happening, I had to get my drums out of the church. This has been freeing and liberating for me. Now my past with that group is done. Nothing there to tie me down.

Today I had to repair the bass drum peddle because the leather strap was broken. I then set up the drums and spent two full hours playing along with the songs that I used to when I was in High School.

It was heaven on earth!

It was like no time had passed. Jazz riffs. Making the drums sing a song in a solo without music and all the energy of a cheetah running at top speed came back. My wife was LOVING what I was doing, even said she had forgotten how good I was.

Most drummers that have a humble heart never think they are very good. But I thank God that I sounded that good. If this is the kind of reception I get at home, what would it be like to be in a band again? One that really loves music and just wants to entertain and play.

I found that being a band leader can become a chore and not be the first love that it should be for a musician.

I have started to remember all the time I put in back during my High School days playing for a half hour every day, more if the mood struck me. The amount of training I did with lessons, school band and even in some church, though the one from youth didn’t want a drum set or rock band. Remember “little drummer boy”? Yeah, that was the big thing.

I’m starting to understand some other things to now. That my true life involves music.I have been feeling a stirring long before I had to get my drums out of the former church.

I had a really different form of worship today. I praised the Lord with my drums.

My eldest daughter is really interested in learning to play the drums and I’m about to teach her too. I feel alive again. I feel that God is smiling at me. I’ve even had an offer to audition for a band that does classic rock and roll/blues. I can do those styles. I really want to do it.

There’s much more of this story, but it’s still forming and I’m not sure where it’s gonna take me or my family. And I’m not worried about it.

Thank you, Lord for showing me my first love and bring the drums back into my life.